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……….As I look back
When I came to college, I found everything fine. Coz I had interest in the field. I found almost every subject lovable at first. Being a CR I boasted and everybody liked me as a CR. I had thirst for knowledge and not for marks. I got the recognition I wanted. I got the attention I wanted. I topped the class that year and put the feather in my cap. I got the marks I wanted.
Second year was a tough one but I thought it was easy for me and everyone thought the same. This time my interest was different. Yes, it was a girl. Thirst for knowledge was intact. I still was a CR then. Everything seemed to be beautiful and I had become “hero” in the film. My graph went down as others’ went up. I still didn’t recognize I was in quicksand!
Later it was 3 idiots era and I was called “rancho”. I almost behaved in his way then. I did not care about my graph (marks). I impressed people with my “gyan”. I did not care about others’ graph too. I studied only for knowledge. Gradually I was hiding my laziness behind “rancho”. I became famous for this also. Rancho had indirectly aided me to run away from studies.
Third year was year when everybody boasted. I could not for I don’t believe in year-wise seniority. I was no more a CR then but people still praised me as one. There was no girl then, for she liked the CR and not me. I was happy as she was unmasked. Study had never left a topic to be discussed. I hardly hanged out with my friends. I still don’t remember what I did then?
I hardly attended lectures then and reached the stage of detention. My past goodwill saved me though I had lost respect for myself. But it was of no use. I recognized the smiles I saw were not as normal as they were. But it was of no use. I still considered myself a hero for things I dared to do when others considered me villain. Fact was that I was neither a hero nor a villain.
Eventually, I had no marks, no girl, no boasting, no recognition, no hang outs, and no sports. I was stuck up in the pothole made by me when several passed by me with insulting smiles. With good luck, I always had friends by my side.
When I introspected myself I found that I was lying to myself. It requires tremendous efforts to become “chatur” and tremendous brilliance to become “rancho”. I had both of them but forgot the “tremendous”. I had built a world where I was the king. I opposed the system while others clapped for me. I did not develop through the years coz I thought I need not to. I did not respect my teachers and simply criticized them. I had a point on my side but never considered theirs’.
Now I don’t know what I am but a happy to know what I was. Now I don’t want to be chatur or rancho but be the ‘best’ in me. I opposed the system coz I did not fit in it. System was partially wrong but I was completely wrong. I forgot that the stake out of the way is hammered. I understood that one does not work for the system but for ultimate satisfaction. I don’t know the reason why people around me are so good that they understood me.
But every coin has two sides, and at times, only one is seen, other remains hidden. I decided to see it and found many things. I had become humble. I learnt to accept my defeat. I learnt that girls love success. I learnt to follow some quotes rather than challenging them. I learnt it requires great efforts and courage to fit into the system than ‘just’ challenging it. I learnt that marks are not mere numbers. And most importantly I learnt that ‘though life is like a film, you cannot rewind it no matter how powerful you are’.
Probably this is the biggest or the only challenge in life.