Life On The Crossroads

Life with its billions of possibilities surprises us every time ! Well, I am from a humble middle-class family pursuing my B.Tech and it has been almost two years now and life has been quite a ride.
Four years ago, I was this cheerful and naive person or rather a child, hardly with any huge dreams and ambitions, completely carefree and juvenile. Then came the time, when I had to decide my future, my career to be precise and I was being tested thoroughly for this, be it my IQ or EQ !
In a system like ours, where a child’s abilities and academic performance often tend to limit his/her dreams and quite often, crush his/her confidence. I wasn’t any exception to this !
Not that I’m complaining about parents, who conjure up high expectations but I would have really loved to make them proud of me ! Again, I’m no exception to this either…after all, every child aspires of this !

What makes us today is a whole multitude of the happenings of the past. The things that happen to us are more temporary than their effect on us.
I wish, I had realized this before. Regrets take every ounce of life out of us and push us to a point of no return.
Since, I had not performed well in most of the entrance exams I had expected myself to, I landed up in a mediocre college not of my dreams.

But I had to live with my actions and with the new set of conditions that life had created for me. I was enjoying a healthy relation with everyone until that fateful day I met him. The suavity of his charm had easily swayed me. Though I’m not a romantic by nature but he had completely dispelled this darkness in my life. I was in a whole new world now and perhaps, that’s what I needed at that point of life.

But things would have been better if only one thing would have led to another and there we were all mushy and romantic. But just as life happens to me, the most unexpected happened ! I wasn’t in a relation with him and still am not but, the nature of our friendship is generally known as a ‘relation’ in the so called REAL world.

He had impinged in my world and had taken me away from myself but realistically speaking, what I was actually doing was losing myself over a guy. Though it was none of his fault, what I have for him still remains a big question and frankly, no one can be the best judge of this scenario. But what I’d figured out after months and months of making efforts to get over it was that the belief that he completed me was wrong because that would’ve translate into a possibility that I needed him more than I wanted him. Life with its dirty little ways makes us feel utterly incompetent to handle stuff but at the same time, doesn’t give us any more than we can’t handle.

I’ll know that I’m even close to loving him when I’m strong enough to let him go. As a matter of fact, it’s more of an issue of letting things go just like my results or perhaps, my parents’ expectations shadowed over me and maybe, I’m still living in those shadows.

Whatever happens with us is beyond our control. Every night I used to question myself, “why can’t I be the special one ?…why can’t he reckon me as his love ?“.
Days passed by but this question persisted as a solid rock at the bottom of the sea of my emotions. I never felt right to live without him, I was blinded to this extent !

Well, the only thing I knew that I had lost my vision and had gone aimless. Every time I was bothered about was him, I was numb to anything else and literally nothing else moved me.

I was almost standing next to my breaking point- on a cross road, not knowing where to go. I felt like the whole world had started hating me for changing myself drastically.
I lost my friends, lost interest in studies, screwed up my semester results, lied to my parents and perhaps, broke my principles in every possible way.

Well, I was almost on the verge of giving up when God sent me an another surprise ! Thereafter, nothing could have gone worse and perhaps, that’s why I began finding anything and everything amazing. I thought, I was alone but my friends were there for me to get me out of this mess when I had least expected them to. All this time, they were right besides me, ready to catch me when I was about to fall.

Life had been going pretty morbid and I had no choice but to accept all the support I could get. I was emotionally crippled but I had to pick myself up, although, I saw no point of being strong without him.

But one fine day, I realized that if I really have accepted willingly to make somebody’s life beautiful and if I was ready to completely give myself away for making someone happy then, why can’t that ‘somebody‘ be my family !

I had to get up and get going! And that’s what keeps me going even today

Therefore, all I’ll suggest to my readers is that,
“Figure out what you want…your purpose ! Try to look at the  bigger picture ! Live for someone who really worth it !

Let Go and Start Living !”

–

komal

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• girl crossroads

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