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I HATE YOU ALARM.YOU MERCILESS BEAST
‘Get Up Already! You’re Late Again!’
‘okay?YOU HAVE COLLEGE GET UP’ mom screamed again
I know shes trying to tell me something,but the language is so alien
A slap on my head brought me out of my semi dream mode. “If you miss the first class today I swear I’m telling your dad about this. Ek dum serious nahi ho! You never listen to me! You are just ruining…..”
I didn’t really listen to what she said next but kept nodding my head periodically, all the while thinking about the torturous two hour metro ride to the college.
‘yeah mom you’re right. sorry ’
“hmm..now go get fresh” she said in a calmer tone.
Works every time.eh eh
It was an early Monday morning, a time when birds should be chirping and humans snoring. But NO. Stupid college has to start early.
I packed my bag in a rush and headed towards the main door. Mom blocked my path and looked at me with a ‘you know what to do look’. I gave out a sigh and opened my mouth. She stuffed a whole parantha in one go.
“Call me when you reach beta!” she said in a sing song tone
And I was off.
“sweet, sweet AC ” I thought out loud, my eyes almost filling up with tears.
The station is just a 10 minute walk from my place. As I entered the platform I scanned around for pretty faces.
Scanning complete. Result: negative
I let out a disappointed sigh.
WHY GOD WHY! WHY DO YOU LOVE ME LESS?
I heard the familiar rumbling of the metro as it entered the platform.All my little hopes of getting a seat were decimated and brutally killed when I saw people with their faces up against the glass, looking as if they wanted to say something but were paralyzed, just the eyes conveyed the panic of being left behind if they don’t rush out the moment the door opened and blasted everyone else in the way.
As I adjusted myself between two uncles who were giving me skeptical looks for god knows why,I saw a potential seat giver. Seat givers are the people who keep shifting nervously in their seats just before a station, thus making it plausible that a vacant seat could be available. I fixed my gaze on the SG, and made my way towards him slowly through the jungle of the masses.
The guy sat innocently, not knowing he was being watched. But what the! He suddenly got up and moved well before the train had moved into the next station.
ABORT stealth mode! PLAN B PLAN B
I saw two others dash towards the seat. It was all in slow motion now .I literally crushed an aunty’s chappal and jumped into the seat.
Hah! Hahaha! Suckers!
I flashed a victorious smile at the losing parties. They muttered something under their breath, and moved towards the other potential prey.
I rarely find a seat.I think this day is going to be really good
I hadn’t even fully enjoyed the victory when I saw something horrifying. Something so terrible, so spine tingling, that it could make you nauseous.
I saw three chatty ,fat saree clad aunties making their way towards my area; their uncontrollable humungous bellies shaking like a caged wild animal.
EYE CONTACT.I quickly turned my gaze to the window.
Did they spot me? Please make them go away god.please
I tried not to look in that direction. But curiosity got the better of me
“Great.” I muttered under my breath
In a minute’s time, they had cleverly changed their position and all three were standing in line in front of me and the consecutive two seated people,their bellies barely an inch away from our faces.
The chatter stopped suddenly.
All too suddenly.
They weren’t saying anything. Directly that is. Just staring into our eyes. Into our souls.
All three of us were getting very uncomfortable by now. I passed a look to the other two. I could see the light fade out in their eyes.Finally they gave up their seats to the noisome hags.
2 down.1 to go
I break into a sweat.I can feel my aunty getting impatient now, her fellow sisters were probably judging her belly for not doing the job right.
That’s it I quit
‘HERE AUNTY,TAKE THE SEAT YOU MUST BE REALLY TIRED’ I say ,the anger pretty evident in my voice
She gave me a cheap look, and sat on the seat like a queen.
Another day of torment by the notorious Monster Belly Aunties.
Well,I managed to survive an hour atleast. This adventure was almost over.
But I guess I had spoken too soon.
Half an hour had passed since my encounter with the MBA (Monster Belly Aunties),and it seemed like I was going to make it in one piece. But I had an uneasy feeling.I felt like I was being watched.
I looked around a little, scanning the people around me.
‘old uncle,weird dude with extremely tight pants,dude with shades on,dude whose probably farting right now…’ I was almost done counting when my right eye caught something.
‘oh boy. A starer. The day just keeps getting better and better’
Starers are the weirdest of all the metro maniacs. They’re always wide eyed and have a paralyzed surprised expression on their face, which is scary at the same time. My starer was a frail tall man, looking at me through the arm loop of another guy. I stared back. He didn’t budge. I had to look the other way.
I took a deep breath.I started glaring at him and walked towards him menacingly.I had made up my mind. You’re my punchbag if you don’t budge now.
His expression started to change. I could see he was getting scared now. He quickly turned and started hurrying away, bumping into people who yelled expletives at him.
And I made it! I couldn’t help smiling.Sure the metro has its monsters. But sometimes it can give you a hell of a ride.
I get off at my station, and pat the metro.
‘see you in the evening for another adventure ,old friend’
And the saga continues.